To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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