That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
