when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
