At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
