She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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