That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
