Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
