dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
