How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
