WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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