I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
