I could make wine with my vomit
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
