My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
4 words: hood of his car
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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