hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
