i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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