today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we're so committed to being not committed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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