dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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