I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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