Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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