We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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