What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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