I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
