Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.