Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You need Xanax blowdarts
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT