I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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