True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.