Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?