I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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