I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
