My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.