I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!