i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that