dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
In other news, I just burned my penis
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.