OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.