just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down