I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize