i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
