How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
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He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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