i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
