the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?