Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðð
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.