i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.