Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.