then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
its liver damage thursday
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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