i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You ruined the universe
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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