I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
