i barfeds in our rink
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
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