I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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