My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
