tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
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Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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