I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
