there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I could fuck to npr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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