The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize