Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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