We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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