# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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