Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
