Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
