It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
