It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
did i just pee glitter
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
