I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
then he tried to convert me to islam
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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