He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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